Chris was sitting at the table perusing the latest info-disc
and eating a bowl of ice cream. Ethan cocked his finger at Chris and said in a
mock authoritative voice, “Yo, Evans. Step away from the ice cream.” When Chris
didn’t respond, Ethan walked over to stand next to him. Waving his hand in
front of Chris’s face, he called out, “Hello? The lights are on, is anybody
home?”
Wordlessly Chris slid the info-disc viewer over to Ethan and pointed to an obituary that had shocked him into silence.
July 17th. Ethan Evans, a popular resident of Portsmouth died yesterday at County Memorial due to complications stemming from an unanticipated medication interaction. Evans, twenty-six, was well known as an antique furniture restorer. He is survived by his two brothers, Troy and Christopher and a sister, Alicia. Funeral arrangements are being made by Woodlawn Funeral Home.
“What the hell? What is this bullshit? I’ve got to call the periodical center. Oh, shit. What if Troy and Alicia see this? I’ve got to call them.” He grabbed for his telecommunicator just as it beeped. “Hello? Alicia! Alicia, settle down. It’s me, Ethan. I’m fine, better than fine actually. No, I don’t know what’s going on, but I intend to find out. Believe me, I’m okay.
“Actually, for some strange reason that I’m not going to question, I’m HIV-free. No, I’m not kidding. Alicia, let me talk to you later. I have a lot of calls to make. I have to call all of my customers and let them know that I’m still alive and first thing tomorrow morning I have to call the periodical center and get them to put a retraction on tomorrow’s info-disc. Yes, I will. Bye sis.”
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Duncan was sitting at his desk, idly tapping his fingers on his desk, lost in thought just as Connor burst through the door. “There’s no death certificate.”
“No death certificate? Anywhere?”
“Nope, and it gets better. I have here a retraction of the obituary from the same perodical, and I’ve personally seen Ethan Evans working in his shop. I’ve got dated pictures of him. He’s alive and well.” He handed a copy of the info-disc to Duncan, along with date- and time-stamped 3D holographic photos of Ethan happily at work in his shop.
Duncan could hardly contain his excitement. “Yes!” he cried as he jumped up. “Connor, if you were a woman, I’d kiss you.”
“Don’t let that stop you,” Connor replied, tongue-in-cheek.
“Joyce!” Duncan yelled for his secretary.
“Yes Duncan?” She queried as she poked her head around the door.
“I need a meeting with the Tribunal. I have proof here that the Ethan Evans obituary was falsified. That means that Ryan won’t be put to death once I go back and stop the attack on him.”
She clapped her hands. “That’s so wonderful. I call them right away.” It was no secret that she had fallen in love with Ryan the minute she set eyes on his six-foot-two-inch, two-hundred-fifteen-pound bronzed frame. It was also no secret that nothing would ever happen between them being as Ryan was openly gay.
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The next morning Ethan decided to go to the periodical center rather than call. This way he could show them his hovercraft pilot’s license to prove he was still alive. He walked into the building and up to the receptionist. “Hi, I’m Ethan Evans. I’d like to speak with whoever handles the obituaries.”
“Let me see if he’s in.” The receptionist dialed an
extension. “Gus, this is Sally in the lobby. I have an Ethan Evans here who
would like to speak with you.”
“Ethan Evans. Wait a minute,” Gus replied. “He can’t be here. We ran his obit yesterday. Do I need to call security for you to get rid of this clown?”
“Hang on a sec.” She put the call on hold. “May I see some form of photo ID please?”
I’m glad I came in person. I had a feeling that I was going to have to prove I’m still alive. “Certainly,” he said reassuringly as he showed her his pilot's license.
“Thank you, Mr. Evans,” she replied smiling. He’s so cute. I’m glad he’s still alive. I see a retraction coming! She picked up the phone again. “He showed me his license. It is Mr. Evans.”
Oh, shit! This is the third time this year we’ve gotten wrong death information from the Life Sciences Center. I need to definitely look into this. God, I hope we haven’t caused too many people heartache. Gus was a definite throwback from a time when reporters believed in reporting the absolute truth and didn’t sensationalize the news to sell info-discs. “I’ll be right down.”
A few moments later he introduced himself and shook hands with Ethan. “I’m terribly, terribly sorry, Mr. Evans. Of course, we will not only program a retraction but also an apology to you and your family for any pain we caused you and yours.”
“Who told you that I died?”
“We get birth and death information from the registrar’s office at the Life Sciences Center on a daily basis. However, this is not the first time they’ve given us erroneous death information and I assure you that as soon as the retraction and apology are submitted, I intend to call the Life Sciences Center administrator and get this matter looked into.
“I assure you that the retraction and apology will appear in tomorrow’s info-disc. If there’s anything we can do to make this up to you, please don’t hesitate to let us know.” I hope he doesn’t institute a legal claim against us, but it would be his right to do so.
“Thank you, sir. The retraction and apology are more than enough. Have a great day.”
The next day Ethan and Chris poured over the info-disc. At the very top of the obituary page they found the retraction and apology, just as Ethan was promised.
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